I hope you know that all of these girls are a lot like you.
Cry indigo tears and fall on your knees to the fountain of youth.
—Guided By Voices - Fountain Of Youth, Forever Since Breakfast (1986)
3The First Eviction Notice
A temple,
Corroded.
Eviction,
Pending.
Embrace me.
Cold night.
Grey sky.
Streetlight.
Lyrical,
Descension.
Attention,
Fading.
Breathless, I’m a mess.
Kissless, I’m in distress.
I’m barely breathing.
This crowning anguish.
Locked up nervous reflex.
I’ve got to build up from the inside.
A relapse.
Reflection.
Distorted.
Repression.
Smiling spitefully,
Longing for you to sew up my seams.
I’m barely breathing.
I’ve abandoned old identities,
Skin I couldn’t fit into,
Songs I couldn’t write,
My voice will fade into this starless night.
Can I get much blinder?
Can I kick myself much harder?
Have I accepted this
To torture myself?
You can’t see me.
Have I invented you?
I’m barely breathing.
You’re so easy to believe in.
And it’s so depressing,
That I’m always second guessing,
That I’m always second guessing,
That I’m always second guessing
Myself.
You had what everyone wants, don’t you know?
You just watched everything die, yeah, you let a good thing go.
Sun shines in the rusty morning,
Skyline of the Olympus mons.
I think about it sometimes.
Sun shines in the rusty morning,
Once I had a good fly.
Into the mountain,
I will fall.
—Pixies - Bird Dream of the Olympus Mons, Trompe Le Monde
When I was a boy I saw things,
That no one else could see.
So why am I so blind at twenty two.
To the hope that is all around me,
Filling up this room.
I cried myself to sleep.
Too many nights I can’t keep secret anymore.
Youth no more.
Oh, you pity me on the corner of Johnson and Brunswick, singing my heart out for loose change with my acoustic, spending rainy days indoors trying to turn other people’s protest songs into ‘beautiful music’. And I’m haunted by the ghosts of my more famous friends. I spend every season complaining waiting for the season to end. I like to think that I’m encompassing but I’m always getting comfortable. You never gave me twenty minutes just to catch my breath. You were kissing me or fucking someone else.
“So I’m marching up to your gates today to throw my lonely soul away, ‘cause I don’t need it, you can take it back.”
So many tears.
Get out of my way, or i’ll eat you,
I like food, food tastes good!
I like food, food tastes good!
—I Like Food by Descendents (via theredder-thebetter)
Talked out and now I’m feeling crowded.
All the errands in the world won’t save us now.
Rained in and I won’t come unclouded.
There’s a stillness in the air.
I pray for sound.
We’re too smart to watch TV.
We’re too dumb to make believe.
This is all we want from life.
And I’m too dumb to talk to you.
You’re so quick to listen to me.
I’m saying nothing you don’t know.
Nothing you don’t know.
Walked out and I won’t be rerouted.
If I don’t go outside today, I never will.
Too old not to get excited
About rain and roads,
Egyptian ruins, our first kiss.
We’re too smart to watch TV.
We’re too dumb to make believe.
This is all we want from life.
And I’m too dumb to talk to you.
You’re so quick to listen to me.
I’m saying nothing you don’t know.
I love you more than I ever loved
Anyone before, or anyone to come.
Someone said your name, I thought of you alone.
I was just the same, twenty blocks away.
Blew twelve and kissed the thirteenth finger.
“Rabbit, rabbit,” on the first.
I hold my breath.
Did tricks I hoped you wouldn’t notice.
A superstitious hyperrealist.
I’ll make you mine.
—Jawbreaker - Jinx Removing, 24 Hour Revenge Therapy
Do you think, maybe,
You could love me or like me, maybe?
Maybe you’d look at me, you’d talk to me,
We could marry, live in this tree.
But it’s unlikely.
You don’t like me, and I don’t like me, and it’s unlikely.
—I Hate Myself - Caught In a Flood With the Captain of the Cheerleading Squad, Ten Songs
Close to you
It’s all starting again.
Like the last time that I killed myself,
In my dreams.
I held my head under the water,
Until my lungs were empty.
I woke up to deafening silence.
I was so cold.
I’ve never felt so alone.
Not even thoughts of you,
Could keep me warm tonight.
Distant, too late, I’ve sealed my fate.
I’m giving up, I’m giving in, giving in to you.
Let me get close to you,
I don’t know what to do.
Let me get close to you,
I don’t know how to.
We were finally alone.
Hours passed,
I just stared at your hands.
I just wanted to touch them.
But I was too scared,
I didn’t want to start another war with myself.
So I shut my mouth,
Don’t let anything out.
So I closed my chest,
Don’t let anything in.
It’s all repeating again.
Like the last time that I killed myself,
In my dreams.
I tied a rope around my neck,
Until my face turned blue.
Let me get close to you,
I don’t know what to do.
Let me get close to you,
I don’t know how to.
Still we sing with our heroes, 33 rounds per minute.
We’re never going home until the sun says we’re finished.
I’ll love you forever if I ever love at all.
With wild hearts, blue jeans, & white t-shirts.
—The Gaslight Anthem - Blue Jeans & White T-Shirts, Señor And The Queen
If actions speak louder than words,
I’m the most deafening noise you’ve heard.
—Touché Amoré - ~, Parting the Sea Between Brightness and Me (via ilostmyselfintheoceanwaves)
